Yo, peoples! It’s been a while. (My blog/journal seems to always have these large gaps in the middle of posting, lol.) Sry. Real life, ya know. Anyways.
Life lately has been strange. A strange mix of events.
For the good news (if you haven’t already heard): Hey Arnold! is returning to Nickelodeon!!
Whooohoooo!!! (<–Honestly, this doesn’t fully express my excitement, because I’ve known about this for a while now, and have expressed it more fully in other places, lol.)
But what great news!! This was a group effort though. All of the fans, Craig, Nick, etc. After all of our hard work campaigning, and getting Nick’s attention… buying all of the merch that we could… finally… (It’s coming back as a T.V. movie for now (TJM!!), but maybe we’ll get another season or series if we’re patient and nice. :) (And if the movie does well in ratings/sales…)
Just goes to show you that you shouldn’t give up on something, if it’s something that you really want! Anything can happen! :)…
Which comes to my next problem. My personal art goals are all over the place, man. The TJM news is very inspiring, sure. It’s helped to bring me back into my writing/drawing mood. I’ve felt– for a long while– that I’ve just been doing stuff “for work” and not for me… bu that’s not how my art began as, you know? It later turned into just pleasing others via commissions or with companies. Sure, in order to have a job in art (or anything), you have to serve. But shouldn’t there be a balance if it’s your personal way of expression too? I’ve felt like I’ve given up multiple times on myself…
Although I used to blatantly tell myself that I would rather commit suicide than to give up on my dreams… well, after realizing that killing yourself would be sending you straight to hell, I opted out of that, but… I had already been dead, and been “killed”/ given up on the inside. That’s… just as bad, imo. Having no motivation, just living until you die. What kind of a life is that?
Secondly, I also want to honor God with my art/comics/stories. But just having a heck of a time in figuring out how. The way things are currently going… well… it just seems that things are going veryyyy slow. I have many stories in my head, but there’s no way that I’ll be able to finish them all if things continue like the way they are now. I just need to do something… different… I don’t know what that looks like yet. But I’ll figure it out, hopefully.
Thirdly, I just feel a sense of overwhelming guilt in not finishing my fancomic, Trunks’ Date. I really don’t feel the motivation to finish it (right now, at least). But I just feel guilty about it. Is that a good, bad or neutral thing? Other comic/art professionals I’ve talked to have told me that I shouldn’t do it anymore. I do understand their position. I feel guilty for giving it up, since it’s gone on for so long, and I want to move on to my personal, original art/stories more, but… maybe there’s an off-chance that I could go back to finish it once I get my original art-life in order more?
I am just out of balance, in general.
But such is life in figuring out how to live. Also, just trying to be more grateful for my friends and family– because you never know what might happen tomorrow. I want to prepare my soul for death, even if that does seem a bit morbid. but really, that’s just reality. You never know…
I’ve seen too many deaths happen this year– either to people I’ve worked with, knew offhandedly, or knew of friends’ relatives who have passed away. Sometimes suddenly, sometimes they knew it beforehand. But, the result is still the same: it just made me realize how short our lives can be, and how much we (I) take it for granted, sometimes. I want to live with no regrets. I also want to die with no regrets. I just have to continually ask myself (and really see this as my reality)– what would I like to accomplish if today/tomorrow/a week from now was my last day? What would be more important for me?
It’s not even having money, or being ‘successful’ which would be most important; but the depth in how much you loved others, your relationships, is what I think will be all that matters in the end. (My relationship with God is number one, and then my relationships with others, afterward.) How much did I love others, and honor/love God in doing so? So, instead of being in a defaultly selfish mode (as per the usual), I have these things to figure out. Because– as stated before– you just never know.
On my death bed, I would like to think that I “did my best.” But I have a long way to go.